Chronic Criticism Is Deadly To A Marriage

Book of Mormon Marriage And Family Study

“and our father hath judged them, and hath led us away because we would hearken unto his words;”

We should judge righteously!

That is why we have to be very careful when we criticize our family. This can’t be done haphazardly or in a fit of anger. Always criticize under the direction of the Holy Ghost.

The problem with criticism is it always puts people on the defensive and targets their pride causing them to fight back. I once attended a relationship seminar with Dr. Lund and he gave a very inspired challenge to go one day without a single critical thought. Track it daily. Your goal is zero critical and judgmental thoughts during the day. Therefore, one critical thought fails you so you try again the next day. This is not easy because the smallest things often set us off.

I think this is a powerful exercise because when you start you will not come close to zero at first. Any critical thought counts against you, including bad drivers and irritating co-workers. For many, critical thoughts are ingrained in the Natural Man, and you might be surprised at how many you had and how easily they come. The most important critical thoughts to overcome is the one directed toward your spouse and children. However, with time as you live your day mindfully tracking your score, your critical thoughts decrease. Eventually, the little things don’t matter to you and once in a while you have a perfect day with zero critical thoughts.

If you resist your critical thoughts by giving them no heed or attention then they don’t count against you.

Conquering the tendency to be critical while single will catapult your marriage years ahead of others, and it will do wonders for your love life.

We should be spiritually mature enough to overlook most of the petty things, because chronic criticism destroys marriages. For example, it seems that most fights revolve around weaknesses. However, we should not fight over this. Therefore, couples should help each other turn weaknesses into strengths. God intentionally gives us weaknesses to humble us forcing us to our knees relying on God. We should always remember that God sees weakness different than sin.

Why do we criticize?

The “Natural Man” tempts us to gratify our pride and vain ambition. Additionally, the world doesn’t have the best solutions for solving problems. Couple and family councils is a powerful way to solve problems without being critical. Furthermore, councils binds hearts together.

If you live in the Salt Lake City valley, I invite you to join us at church on Sunday's at 1 p.m. We are a mid-singles ward; however, if you have a family please don't let that stop you. Please, join us for for our first meeting which is Sacrament meeting, and make sure you ask someone to introduce you to our ward mission leader. Our address is 7155 South 540 East, Midvale Utah, 84047.