What To Do About A Bad Marriage

Book of Mormon Marriage And Family Study

“And I said unto them that it was an awful gulf, which separated the wicked from the tree of life, and also from the saints of God.” An Awful Gulf In Marriage

What causes gulfs in marriage? Some peg it on communication and the differences you notice after you get married and the honeymoon phase wears off.

Differences are good even though in the beginning we have a hard time accepting that. This is important because we don’t want a spouse just like us but we want someone who will compliment us. You want someone with different spiritual gifts and talents than you.

Experts in the field of marriage and family and who are also LDS say that communication problems are not the real issue. For example, they talk about how the Apostles almost never talk about actual communication problems. It is about love. Couples stop talking not because they forgot how to talk to each other but because their hearts were hurt and something happened to make it hard.

The Apostles teach that selfishness is one of the major causes of divorce and something that widens gulfs in marriage.

Criticism creates huge gulfs! Never criticize your wife behind her back or to your parents and family. That will poison their feelings toward her. Dr. John Lund gives good advice about giving criticism. He says you first need permission and recommends telling your spouse how painful it will be on a 1 to 10 scale.

For example, if you tell your wife that you need to talk and it will not be painful, maybe a three or four she would be willing to talk right then. However, if you tell her that it is eight or nine and will be a painful conversation she might need time to prepare for it. Give her the time she needs but schedule a concrete time to discuss it.

Dr. Lund also says a healthy relationship is not constantly resolving serious problems. If you are, it is a clear sign your relationship needs some work.

An awful gulf to me implies a small gulf getting bigger and bigger. Not investing in the relationship creates this, and all it takes is for one partner to quit trying.

Contention Is Of The Devil

Contention is a potent cause of awful gulfs. Few marriages can survive chronic anger; therefore every couple should have a plan when they feel anger. What is your plan?

You can’t feel anger and the spirit at the same time. If you are angry and contentious then it is a clear sign the spirit has left. Additionally, your ability to have the spirit is not dependent on your spouse. That means you can feel God’s love even if your spouse is breaking covenants or mistreating you.

Fortunately, the Lord has given us a way to always have His spirit with us.

Always remember Him!!

If you live in the Salt Lake City valley, I invite you to join us at church on Sunday's at 1 p.m. We are a mid-singles ward; however, if you have a family please don't let that stop you. Please, join us for for our first meeting which is Sacrament meeting, and make sure you ask someone to introduce you to our ward mission leader. Our address is 7155 South 540 East, Midvale Utah, 84047.